I hear a consistent desire when I ask why a client is looking for a doula: I want my partner to be involved in this birth.

It makes sense. You’ve worked hard to build this relationship. So now, as you all become parents, you want to be sure that your connection will stay strong. And maybe your better half seems a little bit nervous about birth

That’s normal.

Oftentimes, the one not carrying the baby can’t fully picture how they’ll fit in. Or they’re concerned about to watching you in pain.

I begin supporting that from the doula interview. Ideally, my clients with partners have their spouse or significant other present. We’ll all be working together as a part of your team, so I’m happy to answer questions from husbands or put girlfriends at ease with my presence. I make it clear that I have no intentions of replacing your significant other (nor could I), but instead I’m their doula too.

I’ve found that partners are just as invested in your child’s birth, they’re just new to this process. So as a labor doula I’m a third brain and extra pair of hands, making sure that neither of you have to remember ALL THE THINGS.

This birth is yours, together. During our meetings prior to the birth, I point out opportunities  to strengthen your bond.

Your partnership can grow as you learn about options for giving birth, and your partner learns about your vision, or you make decisions as a team. These are some of your first steps towards parenting this child together, and so I make a point to show partners exactly where they fit in.

On the day of, especially before you call the doula or the hospital, your partner is who you can lean on.Your partner might pack and carry the hospital bag, read your Hypnobirthing scripts or DJ your playlist. And they can keeping you fed and hydrated while at home. They can keep you comfortable with massage, coach you through breathing, and provide counter pressure. I’ll show them techniques that I use how they help during labor.

And once you’re at your birth place, there are new roles. In many hospitals in DC, Maryland, and Virginia, they can also be your support person through various procedures. Your partner can help you remain still during the epidural. And if you have a cesarean, planned or emergency, the hospitals may allow a support person to attend with you. Your partner can be right there the whole time, holding your hand and watching your baby come into the world. If they have questions, I can give them an idea of what to expect.

They’ll be there perhaps how they’ve been there the entire relationship: ensuring that you feel safe, sharing the load. Because you’re in this together, and you’re a family.

Check out this video where I talk a bit more about what to expect from your partner on the big day. 

If you’re like most of my clients, you’ll be amazed that somehow your partner will know exactly what to do. Or maybe they’ll suddenly take your directions VERY well.

I’m there to encourage all the good things that their instincts will lead them to do.

I want your family to start off on the right foot, and your partnership to grow.  Birth can make the two of you stronger, and I’m honored to be a part of it. If there’s anything I can do to support the two of you, get in touch!

3 Comments

  1. […] sure that your doula prioritizes making partner, family and providers comfortable. I think my job is to put partners at ease and keep them as […]

  2. […] I want to dispel the myth that partners (dads especially) are hapless or helpless. On the contrary- you are valuable members of the birth team, and […]

  3. […] they can feel completely supported throughout labor. Not just by me as their doula, but by their partner in this new journey of […]

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